PONDERINGS

Just got back from the rec
felt great to do some running for the third day in a row--yaya!
Good to see hang with Nick again last evening...
thought about going out tonight
too many responsibilities
hating being a grown up
paying bills
cleaning
working
*sigh*
So many things have flown in my face in the past week...
options
options are good
lots to think about.
BEST movie now is WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
perhaps it's my questions of the reality of monogomy that draw me to this and films like it (ClOSER)
I'm often trying to figure out human nature and how we work in relationships...
do they really last?
Do things truly die?
"This was just a moment in the woods...."
I don't know.
I guess that's my quest until I find my religion (referring to the Madonna song 'substitute for love')
What is it within ourselves that makes us have the need to be accepted and love in THAT WAY by someone...
though we are often on the pursuit of happiness with ourselves that's usually not fulfilling enough--
I think it can be...maybe that's where we're all getting fucked up.
Perhaps the point is to ride the train without asking where we're going
live the journey
live the questions
ENJOY it and someday we may know the answers...
I often wish I could be in a time where we had no worries like
pensions
401k's
student loan debt
credit cards
need for car
insurance, etc
I often think if I could I would be very easily a "hippie" in some sense...
have EVERYTHING I really needed in just one duffle bag...
travel everywhere
money wasn't a problem....I would stay somewhere for a few years...
work, have fun, and enjoy life...
then move on to another place
try new things
not be tied down to expectations of society...
I guess one could make this happen.
But unfortunately I'm in the generation where we have to think about those things
my God I HAVVVVVE to live with insurance...
if I can't go to the doctor everytime my nose runs I will flip out (seriously)
because I'm so used to it...
God forbid giving up a car...me actually have to degrade myself to WALKING everywhere??!?
Of course being in a bigger city this wouldn't be a problem.
SECURITY...what the fuck is security anyways?!??
Does anyone REALLY have security? NO!
Things could be gone in a flash...but we have false security...
I just wanna live to live
enjoy life
create art
not stress
*sigh*
I'm rather philisophicalish tonight and also a bit on the crazy side...
trying to figure out the meaning of life lately.
perhaps I should have studied Philosophy or something...
Oh well...shower and then long phone conversation and then bed for me.
Working on Europe stuff when I can this week...
praying sarah will go.
Hoping I can end up in Italy before that and spend the entire summer in Europe...
perhaps I can meet a Maurizio.
And so...goodnight.
XOXOOXO
Justin