Things I've learned while being on the journey of Papageno in life and on the stage:

1. Never procrastinate!
2. Having a clear schedule is a good thing.
3. German is the most difficult for me to memorize.
4. Strophic songs/arias suck to memorize.
5. I like it better when everything is blocked AT LEAST a week before opening.
6. It's good to not take things too seriously.
7. It's much better to have more fun.
8. I generally thing we have some of the best singers at BG.
9. Rhianna will always be my baby's mama.
10. Random nights of drinks and Karaoke during a tough rehearsal week make things much better.
11. A Friday night of massive drinking, dancing, fun, and getting lost makes me smile so much!
12. ACF is a kindred spirit who I adore.
13. I also adore Ms. Davis.
14. The "homo drink" at Beckett's rocks my taste buds.
15. It gets rather expensive eating out all the time--which is a must during a busy rehearsal schedule.
16. I should stop worrying about giving away or giving up things I love--I enjoy ACF's way of thinking about this. :)
17. Michael May...my salvation and other kindred spirit.
18. Angela Gheorgiu is officially my favorite soprano.
19. It's nice to be with people who enjoy honesty and not expecting much from one another except for an ear, and sometimes a shoulder.
20. I love what I do more than anything!
21. corbinfisher.com is my new favorite website
22. I'm a lot like Papageno except I want a Papageno instead of Papagena.
23. Freudian slips in rehearsal are funny.
24. I miss Sarah Nicholas and wish she were in this opera with me.
25. Life goes on after many things change and after some pages close...new pages begin opening........it's exciting
26. I can't wait until after the show tomorrow ;-)

Well the big rehearsal went well tonight...
tonight was kind of the final night of full voice singing and everything...tomorrow will be just marking! But luckily it went well. I felt pretty good vocally for the first half...the second half was ok except for the fact that I had way too much shit in my throat during no. 20 aria that it was annoying me...mostly from the graham crackers I have to eat on the stage--so tomorrow it needs to be apples. The suicide aria felt pretty good and then the final duet was kind of tough because I felt like I was running around way too much and losing any connection with my body---tomorrow that may be the only thing I sing full out on. Other than that I feel like things went rather smoothly. I need to definitely support a lot more during the dialogue I'm doing a bit too much and too loud and not supported enough. Anyways...I was so proud of everyone and I think the producition will be a great one.
I slept in today until 12:30 and then nothing all day--it was heavenly! Watched VIRGIN SUICIDES this afternoon...haha Great movie to brighten the day. Tomorrw I need to sleep in and then do some mass cleaning, as my family is coming up on Friday.
My little personal issue as mentioned in the early entry this week was discussed and resolved--much better! :)
Come see the opera!
XOOX
Justin

yep I was right.
I love when my intuition works--even when it's not something that's good.

All I have to say is THANK GOD I can sleep forever tomorrow! It's 1:30 a.m. and I Just got home from rehearsal. We got out shortly after midnight and then I did the terrible thing of eating late because I was starving...I'm seriously wiped out! I sincerely hope that the run starts fully tomorrow with no stopping--otherwise I will crap my pants come Friday. haha
I had a nice ride back home listening to my two new Joni Mitchell cds---thanks to Andy! :-) Damn I forgot just how much I loved her, after all she taught "your cold English wife how to love." :-)
Overall kind of a shitty day...ENT appointment this morning just for a checkup to make sure everything is ok since my tonsillectomy this summer---everything looks great...he of course scoped me which caused me to have a constant level of phlegm for the remainder of the afternoon--especially in the sitz probe at 1:30. Holy cow I thought the stuff was going to just fly right out of my damn mouth. But I'm happy things are good.
This opera is actually difficult to sing, believe it or not. I'm generally a high baritone--the majority of good sound in my voice sits higher---Papageno doesn't go above an E natural...which generally isn't a problem...however interstingly enough an E-natural and sometimes an E-flat is my turning note into the passaggio...so there's the inevitable question of "what the fuck do I do with this note...'turn it' or not. And I haven't really been vocalizing really high these days because the need to hasn't been too great. His sits kind of low in the ensemble numbers--which proves to be tough after a long day, as my low notes usually end up getting muffled after I'm not fresh--although somtimes they do decide to pop out of the middle of no where. PLUS a lot of his stuff is all character...so finding the balance of singing and also not singing "too much" or too heavily is a major issue. But I find myself going one way or another! If I'm not singing enough and I'm coming off the voice too much then I'm extremely tired....if I sing too much it seems to lose it's character just a bit. So this along with remembering my 4865839084 arias, words, and texts...along with now working with the conductor, getting NEW staging at every rehearsal, and on Wed. adding another layer which is the orchestra--has me stressed out just a tad. haha Oh well I guess it's the beauty of what we do--it all works this way...and we need to relish in the fact that NOTHING will ever be perfect and stop trying to make it that way.
I found myself upset at the stupidist things today...and I question how I really feel about a particular situation in my life. I feel like I've caught someone being dishonest with me--and I don't feel like I have the right to say anything----or even be upset. All I know how to do is to try to be distant, but that actually hurts me more. I don't know what hurts me more--being distant or having someone be dishonest with me. It will work itself out---I'm probably overreacting anyways...I'm stressed to the max and thinking about 48398948 million things. It has been great though connecting with new people and I really am excited about that!!!!! I was also happy to get a voice mail tonight that definitely made me smile...and also yesterday from my soprano in Illinois.
Ok....off to the shower and then bed. I'm turning off all contact with the outside world until I wake tomorrow....
Peace,
Justin

I'm stealing this from Andy's AIM profile, but it says it all.....

drinks at a "straight bar" with your gay friends= $15.00

drinks at a gay bar with your gay friends= $27.00

partying with your gay friends and a straight-male faculty member at the gay bar... priceless

Pa-Pa-Pa

Today the sun is actually shining....
this is definitely a good thing.
Been one hell of a busy week.
Overwhelmed with the opera right now--
YIKES.
Went out on Wed. with Andy, Maggie, and Mike...
it was so much fun--a much needed time of stress relief and few (cough cough) drinks.
I highly enjoyed our rendition of Grease.......
and I must say that I love how intuitive Andy and Maggie seem to be. :)
Working today--have an all afternoon rehearsal....
maybe doing something later...
definitely sleeping in tomorrow
lots of studying the score....
*sigh*
Learning to set crystal clear boundaries...
woo
XOXO
justin

Needed to post this today for a certain someone...

Ben Folds
"I don't get many things right the first timeIn fact, I am told that a lotNow I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and fallsBrought me hereAnd where was I before the dayThat I first saw your lovely face?Now I see it everydayAnd I knowThat I amI amI amThe luckiestWhat if I'd been born fifty years before youIn a house on a street where you lived?Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bikeWould I know?And in a white sea of eyesI see one pair that I recognizeAnd I knowThat I amI amI amThe luckiestI love you more than I have ever found a way to say to youNext door there's an old man who lived to his ninetiesAnd one day passed away in his sleepAnd his wife; she stayed for a couple of daysAnd passed awayI'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell youthat I know we belongThat I knowThat I amI amI amThe luckiest."

Relaxing weekend...
lots of sleep.
nice.
should've studied score more.
Columbus on Friday--
nice time.
Stayed in BG last night...

little tired today.
feeling blah
feeling depressed about some issues
certain things I've let myself feel
AMAZING lunch with Stacey yesterday
definitely a needed conversation...
thought about calling her today.
Just don't know what's going on.
Truth or lies?
Honesty---extremely important to me.
Oh well.
*yawn*
need to get back to memorizing.
Today's song is DEFINITELY "PLEASE DON'T SAY..." by Jewel.

:)

Just another ordinary day

Better week
lots of weird sinus shit cuz of weather
feel good though.
Sunday night-massive stress relief.
*sigh*
Close to being able to say I'm off book...
don't feel too bad though
we're all having a tough time.
Can't wait until the damn arias are down.
Fun production
way too close though.
Miss Mrs. Price (as in Sarah)
Need to travel to Bloomington soon
hmmmm...
Getting reminders about Germany
I'm thrilled and can't wait!!!!
Coming to some nice conclusions
therapy at Max & Erma's was nice.
Realizing nothing needs to be set in stone--
compulsivity isn't always a bad thing.
We can never say, do, or be something we're not--
especially for others.
I don't always need to explain myself----
am I selfious?
yes.
Am I aloud to be?
absolutely.
And in the words of my favorite teacher--
"I'm NOT going to apologize for that."
The choices we make are so often clouded by judgments of others--
do I do this or do I not do this...
what will he or she say?!??!
Shouldn't do it.
Things of the past will always live on...
to determine the future is cloudy--
xoxoxoxo
Justin

Blah

Been under the weather
not enough sleep last week...I know that's why.
Crazy schedule--it'll be fine this week.
Feel pretty good today
when I laugh I just sound like a 3 pack a day smoker
hate the snow...
also hate lies-
just my final thought of the evening.
Off to bed early.
Justin

Wiped...

24 now...
blah!
Exhausting week for some reason
the weather keeps changing
messing with my voice and body
almost learned with FLUTE
last bit of Act II still worries me a lot, know I'll get it.
Coached with Adelle last night--I miss her ears more than I can say.
Lunch with Lisa today
coaching after lunch (hopefully I'm awake by then)
rehearsal
church choir job
and then who knows....a drink is definitely in the works somewhere.
I think my acid reflux is back
I got it under control for a while...
woke up this morning and could feel it.
Wish I could lay on the floor right now and go to sleep.
I have so many things going on in my mind right now---
I feel like I'm realeasing nothing but negative energy right now.
My phone keeps ringing
random
driving me crazy/tad confused.
Had a great dream last night---
sad to wake up.
Realizing I'm more like Papageno than I thought---
I just want the simple things out of life....(or what we think are simple)
LOVE
FOOD
DRINK.
Why does it all have to be complicated by these little tests we constantly have to go through?!?!
Sarah and I decided on a new profession last night
porn stars
we just need to get ourselves in shape and then the $$ will hopefully fly in
haha
a new year begins for me...
XO
Justin

.....

"George is very special.
Maybe I'm just not special enough for him.
If my legs were longer.
If my bust was smaller.
If my hands were graceful.
If my waist was thinner.
If my hips were flatter.
If my voice was warm.
If I could concentrate-"